Badass Film Tour – Day 14: from Victoria to the docks of Tacoma and Chad vs Portland

July 27, 2010

10:01 AM
BOB:
What looked to be a pain in my ass turned out to be kinda sweet.  Victoria is a damn-perty place.  Dig these pics and vids of my walk back to the boat:

1:26 PM
BOB:
Back on the vomit torpedo.  The Captain warned the passengers this time “pop a pill or puke it up people, rough seas ahead.”  Most folks took the dose.  At 25 cents a pop, it’s a wise bet.  And the stank of puke is not assailing my nostrils.  We just hit a thick patch of fog and the horn is a’blasting. Assuming we don’t capsize and get gobbled up by orcas, I’ll be back in Seattle and loving land in a few hours.

It’s weird to be moving and not in the wheelhouse, controlling the vessel.  But it does allow me time to catch up on the tour journal, email and the like. So that is nice.

Never fear, Ill be rocketing across the highway soon. It’s a short jaunt down to Tacoma for a screening at the Grand with the Dockyard Derby Dames.  We got some good press for this one.  Both the Tacoma Weekly and the Weekly Volcano gave us some love:

Tacoma Weekly
http://www.tacomaweekly.com/article/4589

Weekly Volcano
http://www.weeklyvolcano.com/events/werecommend/2010/07/film-hell-on-wheels-tacoma/

Monster thanks to Amanda and Stephan at the Victoria Event Centre, all the gals from the Eves of Destruction Roller Derby, Dominick from the Victoria International Film Festival and a super-big thanks to Kelly for her super-sweet hospitality.  She is fucking awesome!

Cash-wise, it worked out with a few bucks to spare. All in all, I escaped with a profit of about 12 bucks, Canadian.  I recouped almost all of my travel expenses with ticket sales and moved a few posters and DVDs to put myself in the black.  Not too shabby.  And I didn’t even get fist-fucked by customs this time.  What a treat!

2:15PM
CHAD
It was day one in Portland, and I’ve been hanging out with old friends. Sit back and relax as Austin’s own PJ of PJ and the Bear fame serenades you from the sunflowers. Matt Drenick was there, too:

Other than that, I hung out with Rebstock a lot. I’d love to share stories and video of this occasion, but it has been seriously fucking recommended to me that I don’t. You probably think, “Oh, that’s just Chad doing his silly act…” don’t you? Trust me; I saw some fucked up shit….

11:47 PM
BOB:
Holy shit, the Tacoma screening was badass.  The theater was packed.  I got there an hour late.  I thought the bugger started at 8:00, but when I arrived, I realized that the screening was already in progress.  But it worked out great.  I strolled in during the credits and Rocky Hardplace from the Dockyard Derby Dames helped me with the Q&A.  Rocky is a total badass.  We chugged beer after. Good times were had.

Help us spread the word!!! We have more screenings coming up and could use your help w/ promo:
http://crashcamfilms.com/filmtour2010.htm

Badass Film Tour – Day 13: Vomit Vessel to Victoria y mas Seattle

July 26, 2010

2:13PM
CHAD
Right before I left town on the bus today, I had the first official sighting of one of my friends from Austin out here on the road. It was Aaron “Honkey-Head” Wallace who came down and met me at Shorty’s for a couple of Pabst Blue Ribbons in my waning hours. He’s in Washington for a family reunion. I bet the heads at that thing would put a hat maker’s kids through college. There’s going to be more head at that reunion than there was in Deep Throat, the movie. I heard Skeletor isn’t going to the reunion because he’s jealous. Heads, it is…

The bus ride was four hours long, and there were only two stops where you had a chance to run into the nearest store. As you know, alcohol is strictly prohibited on the Greyhound, so you have to act quickly and fly under the radar if you want to get drunk on a bus ride. At the first store, the lady working the counter wouldn’t sell me any beer because she knew I was on the bus. She has just taken it upon herself to enforce the bus’ rules on people when they come into her store on break. I’ve never been so let down by society. At the second store, it was called “Holt’s Market”. Now that’s more fucking like it!

I was so inspired by Holt’s Market, and the fact that they would unquestioningly sell beer to people who came in during the bus stop, that I decided to turn my whole life around. Seriously, that’s actually what this whole trip was about, me getting my shit together and becoming something in life. I felt really uplifted and positive about everything after this stop, and haven’t looked back since. Except right here, about 10 minutes later in the bus lavatory, when I slammed a 24-ounce Keystone in a minute and a half on our way down I-5.

3:52 PM
BOB
I’m on a boat.  A boat decked out with the Union Jack.  Headed to Victoria, B.C., Canada.  Sure, it’s my own damn fault for not properly researching this wet leg of the trip, but it turns out that getting to Victoria is a huge pain in the ass.  It runs upwards of a few hundred bucks to drive/ferry to the island.  And to hoof it / hop a boat, it’ll still sting for the likes of 125 donuts.  So I dropped the scratch and walked my ass onto the boat.  And here I sit, in the hole already.  A best-case scenario has me breaking even tonight. If there are enough asses in seats and I can move some merch, that is.

Vancouver already took a forty-dollar bite out of my ass and now I’m in the red for an additional 125 just to get to Victoria.   Canada is really enjoying fucking with me, it seems.  On top of that, I’m stuck in Victoria for the night as there are no boats back until the morn.  I’m not sure where I’ll be crashing this eve, but I’ll toss out the nets and hope to reel in a couch, bed or floor to catch some zZzs on.  I’ll do what I can to make the best of it.  Maybe Victoria is a party-balls kinda place. Updates soon.

5:27 PM
BOB:
The smell of vomit stings the nose-hairs. We hit a rough patch of water and half the boat went sheet-white, beaded-up with sweat and lost their lunch.  My lunch was a half a loaf of pecan-bread with a chunk of smoked cheese.  Not the most pleasant odor to burp-up considering the puke-stench wafting about, but so far, my gut is sitting tight.  The ship is filled with miserable-looking people heaving around.  Now I know what it must have been like to be on a slave ship.

10:05 PM
BOB:
We got some killer press in Monday Magazine in Victoria: http://mondaymag.com/articles/entry/confessions-of-an-austin-weirdo/

I’m manning the box office right now.  The crowd ain’t huge, but they are digging the flicks.  I might have found a couch to sleep on.  We’ll see if the offer still stands after Total Badass finishes…

10:19 PM
BOB:
The music form the dance club next door is loud as fuck.  Annoyingly so.  Distractingly so.

10:18 PM
BOB:
Three old people just walked out of Total Badass. It’s about time!!!  I’ve been waiting for and expecting walk-outs. I can’t believe it took this long to happen.  I’m slightly offended that folks have not walked out sooner.  But now, I am relieved.

10:25
BOB:
Two more walk-outs!  Derby gals this time.  Hehe…

10:55 PM
BOB:
Another oldie walks-out!  We’re on a roll!!!  Not sure what the oldies were doing here… not to be prejudiced about age or nuthin…  maybe it’s just to late for them.  Or maybe the sight of Chad’s cock finally got to them.  It’s hard to tell.

12:12 AM
BOB:
I met a super-nice and cute Victorian woman named Kelly who offered a place to crash.  We took a midnight stroll around the waterfront to her pad and had some fun.  That was nice!