Badass Film Tour – Day 18: Salem for the Derby Film Fest

July 31, 2010

2:09 PM

Before I hit the road, I said goodbye to my Seattle girlfriend.  See Figures 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5:

Thanks, Seattle.  You have been good to me:


Ok, so we’re headed out of what ended up seeming like my temporary home bases of the Pacific Northwest, Seattle and Portland, and are back “on the road”. We head into Salem today, and I can’t seem to get that straight, because every time I talk on the phone with someone back in Texas, I tell them “We’re going to… um….” And then bob goes “Salem!” all exasperated and shit, but that’s what he gets for listening in on my phone calls. I’m going to do a little psychic predicting here and tell you that we get into Salem, and the back-to-back-to back three movies about women’s rollerderby in a row festival isn’t going quite as well as you might think. However, attendance for Bob’s movie crushes the competition, outdrawing the other films combined and the theatre slaps a nice hunk of cash on him. Then, he tells me since he made out so well, dinner is on him!! I think he might have even used the phrase “Nigger Rich”, prompting me to decree that if there is ever a fourth member of my rap group, BFE, then his name will be “Nigger Rich”… like short for Richard. Anyway, we go out to eat with all the theatre people at Marco Polo’s in Salem and I got this huge plate of General Tso’s Chicken that was strictly chicken and rice… no other vegetables. The next morning, my shit was encased in the very same caramelized crust that was on the General Tso’s. The theatre picked up the meal, and I guess Bob doesn’t think he owes me a dinner, still.

7:46 PM

Hung out in a park in Salem. Spiders:

9:59 PM

Thin turnout for the derby fest. We had the best time slot and brought in a decent crowd.

11:39 PM

Anyway, we all ended up going to a gay bar later that night, called Speakeasy. This gave me the opportunity to bust out one of my best jokes of the trip so far. It was me and Bob, some rollergirls, our host for the night Sally, and the people who worked at the theatre all bullshitting in the lobby, and some of them were trying to tell the rest of us how to get to Speakeasy. Anyway, Loretta who runs the place tells Sally, “You remember Loose Ends? You remember where that used to be?” because it was a hobby shop or some shit, and I go, “Loose ends? Was that a gay bar, too?” and everyone laughed their ass off, even the gay people. We get down to the gay club, and this dude kisses me the minute I sit down. It was just on the cheek, but it was really drunk and sloppy and gay. He tells me his name is Gino, only he spells it Jino and he makes that very clear to me. It took everything for me not to talk about vaginas and the way you spell them at this point. Anyway, over the course of two conversations, he lets me know I’m very attractive, so I’m walking on cloud nine at that point. Then, later in the night it turns out he told Bob the same shit, so he was totally playing us.

4:54 AM

Awesome fun after.  Including, but not limited to:
Gay Club.
Partying with Sally.
Partying with Fay L. Mary.
Partying with Jen 208.
The evidence was destroyed.   But there is this sign from the bathroom at the Speakeasy:

About crashcamfilms

Posted on August 6, 2010, in APESH!T, crashtoons, Film Tour, Hell on Wheels, screenings, Total Badass and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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